Never Give Up
Life….. From the outside it always looks wonderful. To people that don’t know you, it can seem as if all is going so well.
This is of course how most people want to come across. Why would you want to been seen as weak? Not coping? A failure? I know that I have a fear of letting people know how I really feel.
But, in this life you need to be kind to yourself.
If you need help, ask for it. If you are wiped out, take some time off. If you are at the point where you have no idea what to do, don’t be afraid to seek out love and support.
As a single mum running a business, I have a lot of pressure on me and me alone (I put most of it there myself!) Don’t get me wrong, I have a great co parenting relationship with Isla’s dad but I am still going this world alone.
I feel guilty when I don’t have Isla as I need to work. I feel guilty that I can’t just fit my lovely customers in every evening and weekend date they ask for. I feel guilty if I have a ‘day off’. I worry that I am distracted when I’m spending quality time with Isla. I feel guilty when we snap at each other, as I am internally dealing with the stress of being an entrepreneur.
Mum guilt and Self Employed guilt is a b***h.
Recently I will admit that I have been finding it all very hard.
I have often found myself wondering what else I could do to provide for me and Isla.
Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my job. I love being a memory maker and capturing amazing moments for my clients and friends. But this business is brutal. Photography is a luxury item, and often the first thing to cut if people are trying to be savvy with their money. I don’t begrudge that at all, and I for one know that I have cut a few luxury items from my spending myself.
My baby is getting so big!
Positive thinking and having the right mindset is a wonderful way to live life, but it can be HARD.
I am all about the self love, positive affirmations, meditation, crystals and healing. But all that being said, I still feel overwhelmed on a daily basis.
Living in the constant state of almost paralysing worry is exhausting. It means that I don’t have the energy or the will power to post on social media daily, and be all happy and positive. I can’t switch off in the evenings, and I’m either sat on my laptop desperately trying to think of new ways to make this work, or I’m going to bed at 7.30 when Isla goes, as I am too tired to function any more.
I’m not writing this for your pity, I am just writing this so that if anyone else is feeling the same, they know they are not alone.
I saw a quote yesterday that said:
“ I thought about quitting, but then I saw who was watching”
Tears automatically filled my eyes and I had a huge surge of passion, love and ‘bad assery’ go through me.
I can not give up as Isla is watching.
We may be mean to each other when we are stressed or overwhelmed, but we always say sorry straight after. We always hug, kiss and laugh at how stroppy we are being.
Isla even held a hand up to me the other day and said “ Mummy, why are you shouting at me? I am not shouting at you.” It was said in the calmest most diplomatic way that I instantly stopped my stressing about the fact she still hadn’t got her shoes on, and we only had 0.2 seconds until we had to leave the house for school, and we just burst out laughing. I picked her up and gave her the biggest squeeze.
SHE is the reason I do this.
I can't give up, she's watching!
Thank you all!
Of course you lovely lot are also the reason, and I am the reason too. As this is me. I couldn’t be anything or anyone else.
My daughter knows her mummy works her socks off to provide the best life she can for her.
My customers should know that I do this job as I am passionate about this life we are all living. It goes by too fast to not capture every little bit of it.
I just wanted to say a MASSIVE heart felt thank you, to everyone that has shown their support and love over the last five and a half years.
But especially to those that have been in so far this year. You didn’t know it, you didn’t need to know it, but every single one of you has kept me going through a time where I very nearly gave up. Thank you, thank you , thank you.
To anyone due to come in, I thank you too. I promise I will not let my creativity and passion slip. I will not give up. I will keep creating. I will keep capturing, I will keep making. Thank you choosing me, and being the light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
All my love